Suitcase of Memories

The past is nothing but black and white. 

 I hid everything inside a suitcase of memories.Sometimes I check up on the past. I pick a piece inside the suitcase, I re-live it and remember it. Sometimes I go back to my happiest time and even my darkest hours. Sometimes, I just want to watch the past in my eyes and see how I changed. They are nothing but mere memories in my heart and in my mind. They are pictures, remains of what has been. 

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and changed something in my past. I think about the what if's and what could've been. But there is nothing I can do. I have to move and let go. There are those fragments in the past I don't ever want to remember, they are hidden in the bottom of the suitcase, in the darkest part where my hands couldn't touch them. Those are the memories that hurt me so deeply that I don't need something to remind me it happened because the scars can be seen in my actions and reactions, they are written all over me.

Sometimes I can't help it. Sometimes, the past crawls back and escape from the suitcase. It then creates havoc in a life where I built without it. The past always crawls back. I have been told by the greatest philosophers in the world that one cannot move on without making amends with the past. But how, how can I make amends with the past when I can't even face it? How can you forget it when in your sleep all you see is the face of the past? There's a simple way but I am afraid of it and so is everyone else. 

The only way for the past to stop crawling back is when you don't make it an issue. It's when you finally face it and tell everything that should have been said. It is only then can you make amends with it and only then will it not bother you.

You are a thing of my past. I don't see you in my future nor my present. Seeing you would mean breaking all the promises I made to never look you in the eye again. I'm afraid to see you again, I'm afraid to stare at your face, I'm afraid to laugh with you. I'm afraid because it brings me back to so much pain, so painful I haven't entirely move on from the effects you gave me. But I have to do this, it is the only way for you to be back in my suitcase of memories. It is the only way for you to be truly become a memory and not a life. 

You are a thing of my past, I'm over you. I got over you a long time ago. So now, the only thing left to do is face you and prove it to the world that I am really over you.