What Used to Be

Dear Friend,

How have you been? It's been so long since we talked to each other. Really, I can't seem to remember your voice anymore. Was it two, three years ago? I remember the last text message you sent, you bid your goodbye as you sail into the world of the unknown. 

It's May again, and the flowers bloom like never before, how I wish you could see it with me. I went to the old sea wall. I sat at the exact park bench where we used to sit and wait for the sunset. I remember our days, back when we were young and carefree. The smell of the ocean seems to bring the memories flooding again. I remember your smile, your laugh and the way you talk to me with joy. I remember them but they seem so far away, like a small whisper in the air. 

The summer of 04 and 05 came to my mind today. You used to call me almost everyday just so we can talk about nonsense things. I remember laughing at your silly jokes. You even played the guitar for me and sang a song while I was listening on the other end of the line. You used to tell me you dance for me. You used to brag about your amazing talent in both dancing and playing musical instruments. You used to tell me all your secrets. You used to hold my hands whenever you got sick. You used to call me and begged me to go to your home so that I can take care of you while you were "in bed, waiting for your death." I used to protect you as much as you shielded me. 

When I was a freshman in college, a professor once told the class that "a man and a woman can never be just best friends." But I thought of you, of us, and I knew that the statement was wrong. We had a good run with our friendship and we were just best friends. 

But that was in high school. They are nothing more but fragments of memories, of what used to be. 

Just a few days ago was my birthday. I waited for your text, or for your call that never came. I was so sad I cried myself to sleep because it finally sinked it, you didn't care about me anymore. I know that you still care, not just the way I expect it to be, not the way it used to be. 

I know you called her when it was her birthday. The thought that she is more important to you than me hurts like hell. I used to be the girl that made you smile and we weren't even involved with each other. But of course, times have change, you have changed, I have changed. We aren't high school anymore. 

I miss you so much. And even if you don't care that much anymore, you will always be my best friend, the one guy who saw me through it all. I will always love you but I think things will never be the same for us. We both have separate lives already and I need to let you go. I hope someday we can talk again in good terms. I hope that by that time, you aren't too busy for me. I hope you'd call me or even just text me, to remind me that I still matter but I don't think I will keep my hopes up. 

My best friend, goodbye.

Sincerely,

Your partner in crime