Summer Nostalgia

            

            The blue sky are slowly fading and the crickets aren't singing anymore. Summer is almost over and yet, I'm still here, stuck and confuse. 

            How many summers has it been, three? four? I lost track of time. One thing's for sure, all those summers were spent thinking about you. Last summer was probably the most time I had to myself, it was generally summer-free from you but I can't deny, I still thought of you. Yes, all those summers were spent wondering when I'll see you again and spent dreaming of you.

              I haven't seen you in a long time, so long I almost forgot your face. Sometimes I only think of those happy moments I had with you, not your face but your character. I've always wonder if you're doing fine. So long has it been since I last saw you smile, I forgot what it look like. 

            I'm over you of that I'm sure. I've moved on, yes, a long time ago. But how can I explain this confusion? It cannot be put into words. There's no feeling anymore and yet, you're always on the back of my mind. Is it because I didn't fought enough for my love? Or is it because I know you were my first love that I never had? 

               I have been told that love is a battlefield and everyone is a soldier in their own way. I was a soldier in a battle that was long lost even before it started. I got wounded too many times and it was on that battlefield I learned that you need to have two soldiers in the battlefield of love. You can't survive if you're the only one fighting against so many things. Fate and Time are the greatest enemy, because it's a fight no one can ever win. I should know because both of them were once my enemy.

              Now you're back, and you talk to me like the way you used to. And the same questions are ringing  in my head, "Am I special to you?" or "Are you just playing?". You never fail to make me feel loved and cared but I wasn't that girl anymore. I learned not to believe what my heart feels when it comes to the person whom I once love, because the heart has a tendency to lie to the mind.

             Maybe all this confusion is because there was never a proper closure between the two of us. I never got to express myself properly and you never said what you really wanted to say. I don't know if somewhere deep within my heart the voice of hope is still singing. One thing is for sure, my love for you taught me never to embark on the battlefield of love alone.

           Summer is almost over and maybe then my mind can stop thinking of you and what could have been. 

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