It all started when I was young. I was reading a children book, the kind that your parents want you to read to fill your minds with knowledge. Do they call it knowledge books? Those kinds of books that are in a set and are so colorfully painted. When you open the book all you see is bright colors and interesting pictures.
I was reading a book with a big "Grolier" word printed in its spine and the title was "I Wonder Why". As I said, it was part of a set. Each "I Wonder Why" book covers a different subject. At that time, I was reading the I wonder Why Stars Twinkle. It was all about astronomy. You can clearly see that the book was a favorite. It bears the mark of being read all over again. Both ends of the spike is damaged, the edges of some pages are folded and some pages are torn. I memorized each questions of the books and all the answers to them. I remember back in grade school arguing to a classmate that Mercury is not the hottest planet in the solar system but instead it was Venus. She didn't believe me, never did, until our teacher pointed out that I was correct.
It was this book that I first learned something new. I learned about black holes, red giants and how the earth would come to an end if humans won't kill it first. This book is the book that got me started reading. This was the book that made dreaming big possible.
It was then that I had my first dream of becoming someone. I dreamed of becoming a cosmologist or an astronaut. But really, I dreamed of studying the skies, discovering the universe and maybe discover a planet or two and naming it after me. Just thinking about it gives me this exhilarating feeling, an excitement I will only have when I'm thinking of reaching the stars someday.
That was my earliest memory of dreaming something big. That moment, I discovered how it feels to see something big in the future. It was at this moment that I realized what the word dreaming meant. Dreaming, a word I only use when I tell someone about my adventures in my sleep. But this time, dreaming was something else, it became a word that is so full of success and experience. I never look or read the word dreaming in the same way after that.
As I grew old however, my knowledge of reality also grew. I never told anyone about "the dream" not even my mother. Not one soul.
I realize that cosmologist are people who usually comes from a country that has major facilities for discovering the universe. Usually their the type who knows physics even before it was introduced to them. They are geniuses. That's not me. I'm not a genius in that way and I will never be one.
I realized that I can't reach my dream. It's too big. It's like the universe, its so full of wonders and amazing things that its too good to be true. I can't be a cosmologist because there are limitations.
I didn't want to, but I had to. Coming into terms with reality can be difficult. As soon as reality crash in, you'll realize you just can't achieve some things. I wanted to become the main antagonist of the movie, the one who succeeded in what she really wanted to become. But that was a movie or a book perhaps, but they don't happen in the real world.
Dreams. I thought I would never dream of becoming someone again. I was young and my dreams got crushed, you can't blame me for being pessimistic for awhile.
But, I'm too positive to stay in a sulky world that doesn't include imagining the future. Today, I dream of becoming someone someday. But the future is a little hazy for me. For now, I want to become a travel broadcast/print journalist. I love traveling and I wish it would be a profession of mine.
Some say dream big, some say forget it. It's really up to you. You make the decisions in your life. You can either dream big or you can dream small. No matter what the size is, you're still dreaming which means you still have hope.
