“If you want to know where your heart is, look where your minds goes when it wanders.”
The quote struck me at a time when I was most desperate; it became my living motto for awhile. I was struggling and confuse. Where was I going? What should I do with my life? And what really is my passion?
Even now, the answers of those questions escape me. But that quote, etched thru my heart like a burning vein. I finally got on the right track and for a time, those questions were buried with work, fun nights and talks over coffee.
Those days however, are lingering memories. And like what they say, the past always have a way of crawling up to the present. Having some time for myself, I have realized that I still have to answer those questions. Do I have to answer them now? No, I believe that the right time will come when I know the answers of those questions, and I won’t even ask them, I’ll just know.
Empty days are following me, and that quote came to my mind. Now that I am more alone than ever, or wait, maybe I should use the word ‘independent’ instead of alone? Now that I am more independent than ever, I find myself with more meandering questions about my soul and my passion.
Passion, by dictionary definition is an intense emotion, compelling feeling, enthusiasm or desire for something. Really simple to understand yet difficult to capture. How do you find something that you can’t let go of? The word was always just a word until I asked myself, what is my passion?
The question roams my mind. It often visits me at night, when I’m about to close my eyes, sometimes, it visits me on unexpected times. It just pops out and I’m back to wondering.
A soul wanderer that I am, I continue to struggle to find my place. But maybe, this is what life is supposed to be. Maybe I should be lost in order for me to find where I’m supposed to be. Maybe, I should wander first before finally settling down on something. Maybe, in the process, I stumble upon myself, a self that I have never known.
And maybe then, can the empty days be my calming days and the soul wanderer won't have to wander too far.
