Remembering You & US

First of all, I would like to defend myself. I’m over you. That’s it. You are a thing of my past, I meant, WE are a thing of MY past.

I know you have your own life and I also know that you know that I have my own too. We’re both happy with how things are going on with our lives. I know I made the right decision when I decided to get over you, to stop liking you, to stop wondering and to stop hoping for an US, or a better us, if we really had something going on.

I did stop but it doesn’t mean that I have cut you out of my life, or that I have forgotten the memories I had with you. Sometimes, the past crawls up in my mind and I think about you. Sometimes, when the rain pours hard, I remember that time when we were both stuck in the rain, you didn’t know, but I kept looking at you. Sometimes, before I go to sleep, I remember the nights I cried myself to sleep because I thought I couldn’t take it anymore. Sometimes, when I hear a song, I remember how you sang it to me and how you look deep into my eyes. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision. I still do think about what could have been for us. But then I think about the reasons why I chose to get over you.

I remember the times that you’ve hurt me; the times that I wished I didn’t love you. I can’t keep going on loving you when I know its never going to work in the end. You’ll always be you and I’ll always be me. And no matter how much we love each other, we just wouldn’t work out because we’re too different. I know it and you know it and it just came to the point where we couldn’t deny it anymore. I’m just glad that I’ve realized it early, because I saved myself a lot of tears and pain. It was the best for the two of us.

I remember you and there’s nothing wrong with it. You were the one that got away. You got away because I let you. No one would get away if the other person didn’t let it.

I stop loving you, I wish I could say this and mean it, but I can’t. I still love you and I will always will. I can’t help it that I’m writing this now and think about you, think about us, think about the love we once had. I truly wish your happy now.

As for me, I’m happy of that I’m sure. Now, it’s time to close the curtain and let the past be the past again. Let’s just say, we were two souls who love each other so much, we chose to be friends in order not to hurt each other more.

November 7, 2010

November 7, 2010

It was around 6:30 in the evening when I went inside my mother’s room and kissed her goodbye. My father, as usual, brought me to the port and kissed me in the cheeks before he bid his goodbye. I left home with a heart heavier than that of my suitcases.

It was the moment before I went to my mother’s room that I felt the saddest the most. I look at myself in the mirror and I realize, I wasn’t a child anymore. There, around me, are my suitcases, constantly reminding me that sooner rather than later, I shall leave in the comforts of my parent’s embrace. If God allow it, with his blessings and guidance, in five months time, I shall do “the walk,” this event in life, only happens only four times.

There is the first time you walk, you very first few steps, with someone there happily cheering you. You were then a child, you would probably not remember it but the people who witness it, will never forget it. Then there is the walk of graduations. This symbolizes that you are a person that has accomplished something in life. Graduations may not be as important as the last two, but it is still a walk one would never forget. Of course, there is the walk that a lady has dreamed about, and that is walking down the aisle. This, for both men and women, is a symbol of a journey through marriage, family and most of all, love. This is the walk that would turn your world upside down, the walk that would change your future forever. Lastly, there is the walk of death. In this chapter of your life, you walk and embrace death as you embraced God. For in this moment, you will never feel pain, or suffering ever again. You embrace God’s touch and from then on, eternal life is easier.

In five months time, with God’s grace, I will be having my graduation walk. This is the moment that I have been waiting for. Finally, I am done studying with my notes, done making papers and essay; I am done with all the easy things. Because after graduation, comes the difficult part. The real world is a continuous learning center. It is a school that doesn’t have any building or campuses, a school that doesn’t grade you with what you have achieved in life but how you used it to help others.

As I sit and wait patiently for the announcer to say the boat is ready for boarding, I thought about the things that I would do someday. I want to become a travel journalist or a travel host for that matter. All I want is to travel and at the same time do something that I am good at. I want to write and publish a novel so that other people can see an inkling of my mind. I want to get married with my “the one,” and I want to have a family with that person and watch my children grow. I want many things in life and I wonder if I can reach one of them.

I am yet to touch the real world. I am yet to feel real joy and pain. I am yet to see what the universe has in store for me.

I kissed my mother and father goodbye and I boarded the boat, with my hopes and dreams. But first, I need to be sure to make that walk and study hard.