The Hunt for Love

It is a difficult path but I survived it. I can't remember the moment I decided to search for it, to hunt for it and to feel it. 

I was a love hunter and will always will be. I hunted love and what it has to offer to me. I walked the path of woman who fell in love easily, not just romantically, but with anything that love has to offer. It was probably because of the "puppy love," I had when I was in high school or the early years of my college life that left me "heart broken." Being in a sulky place as being "heart broken," I knew I needed to go on for the search of what they called true love. I thought to myself that maybe when I found this love, I would be complete. I thought, I needed to find this love that could fill the empty part of my life, the hole in my heart. I didn't know what I was searching for. 

I started going on from one place to another, crossing roads I've never dreamed of, until finally, I found it. I found what I have been looking for. How stupid was I not to notice it? It has been with me all this time and I haven't even tried to ask myself. 

When I found the love I was searching for, I kept it to myself. I was happy with what I have. I don't know why I kept it until now. Was I ashamed? I don't know. All I knew was I wanted to enjoy the moment I was having, feeling the true bliss of what this love has to offer me. It was then that I started seeing things in a different light. 

The love that I had found was the love that filled not only my heart, but my soul as well. I found the love that God had to offered me and the love I had to offer Him. The truth is, I'm not a Jesus Freak (sorry for the term) nor am I a the "Praise the Lord," type. I don't understand what I am, I can't put myself in the map of people who claim to Christians, for sometimes, I disagree with them. I can't put myself in the map of people who claim to be holy, for I know that I'm not. I cannot claim anything, but I can claim everything because of the Lord. 

I am secure with the relationship that I have with the Lord. I praise him, glorify him and talk to him in my own little ways. Sometimes, I forget to really talk to him, but never had I forgotten to thank him. Before I go to bed, I always say, 'Thank You Lord,' and I know He understands what I mean by it. 

I have always been an optimistic person, always, way before I really had a relationship with the Lord. But now that I have something with the Lord, my optimism is different. This is because, my positive outlooks in life has an added character, and that is the Lord. I have prayed to him, even when I haven't found this love and he gave me things, even when I didn't acknowledged it was his work. What more now? What more now that I have acknowledged him? What more now that I knew he'll give me the things that I desire in the right time?

Yes, the Lord has been so giving to me. The small bumps that I faced always seemed so small compared to the victories that he has given me. Oh yes, I had my fair share of tears. Some I say to the world, some I carry silently and emotionally. Some I let him do the work but often times, I do the work and ask for his guiding hand.

If you go and hunt for love, you will eventually find it and when you do find it, you'll realize it has always been there. The adventure is just something the Lord spiced up for us, but his love has always been there, all it really needed was a little less talk and a little more reflection.

I know, when you look at me, you can't tell, I don't claim to be anything. I will make mistakes and will make great sins. My mouth may not be the purest and my thoughts maybe full of sins sometimes. My heart may carry hate and anger sometimes. I may desire flesh over divinity. 

But let me tell you this, at the end of the day, I have a home to go running to. I have a home in the Lord's heart and I will always make up for the sins that I have done. I know that he will always save me. I have a home, how about you?

The Lord never left you, so smile, listen to yourself and you'll hear him whispering to your soul. 

May the Lord bless you. :D

Death and Love

"That can't be done," Death said in a cold hard voice.


"But I've done everything you have asked me," said a man crying at the end of Death's robe.


"I have never asked you anything!" Death said angrily.
"You humans, you think you can summon me here and tell me what to do?" Death disgustedly added.


Death looked at the man at his feet. He was a handsome young man, his eye's were the hues of blue and the feature of his face were perfectly match to complement each other. The blue eyes looked at him, at least what can be seen underneath his bloody red robe.


"I am your master," the man said hardly. "I brought you here and you are going to do what I want!" he added. He stood up on his feet and pointed his finger at death,
"You are going to bring her back! You took her, well you can bring her back to me!"


Death sized the man and laughed in his head. His master? Huh, no one is his master, said Death to himself. It angered him but fascinated him that someone would be brave enough to tell him that.


"Master? I am no man's servant young man. I can take you here now," he said softly. He stepped toward the young man.
"It was her due time, and thus I reaped what was mine to reap. But you, you will be forever mine for you made me your master, the moment you said the spell to summon me," Death said in a very low voice, almost like a whisper.
"Have gratitude for you are still breathing while looking at me," Death added.


The young man looked defeated. He was only trying to bring back the wife that he had, the wife who died in their wedding day.


"But please," said the young man weeping again.


Death looked at the man. Being one of the Eternal Being, Death doesn't feel any emotion. 


"I shall give you the greatest gift that I can give," Death said.
"My kiss is what you're looking for and thus I shall give you what you seek," Death added.


Suddenly, the room was silent, the man stopped breathing and Death stared at the lifeless body. 

Probably the January Winds

The first week of January is over and what a first week it has been for me. I packed my bag last January 2, dreading reality that I'll be back in Cebu to face the things that I've left behind. When I say things, I meant school stuff. God must have been on my side because the boat trip that I was supposed to take got cancelled and I had another vacation day at home, with Cheska, a classmate (she got stranded too). 


Being back at my second home isn't really bad at all. I missed my friends after all. The sweet scent of my room, the smiles of my barkada boardmates, the laughters of my soro sister ... these makes every sacrifices and hardships worth it. 


But the best thing that ever happened this week? Someone tried to get us, yes, me and my soro sisters. Funny really, we do admit that we fell for it. HAHAHA.. but at first, I got angry and then I realize, that person must be really sick inside, envy and insecurity must be eating up that person's flesh. And then, I realized, someone is making an effort. It's sweet and flattering. But the sad thing about it, is the fact that we know the the person doing it, is a friend of ours. How else would the person know our numbers and our schedule? That's the saddest thing. Of course, the evil thing about it is what the person did. But then again, it's flattering. Let me not dwell too much on the sick person, he/she is a waste of time.


Moving on, I attended today's mass. It was good, really, it gave me something to reflect on. The gist was basically making the people you love happy and the priest focused on the parent-child relationship. The priest post a very important question, have you been a good child?


Honestly, I could easily say yes. I've been a good daughter. I'm not saying I'm a perfect daughter, no. I'm saying that I've been good. I know that my parents are satisfied with my performance in schools and even outside school. They know that I'm a happy person. Have I shown them I love them? Every opportunity I have. The last supposed night I was at home, that's January 1, I was at my parents bedroom and was beside my mother in their huge bed, hugging her. We were watching a show together. I know that I don't have to tell my parents I love them all the time, because I show them. 


It's amazing, what my parents have done to us. We're five siblings, all girls and despite the fact that we are an unconventional family, we all grew up fine. We all went to rebellion stage but never to the extreme. My oldest sister now has a family of her own, and she's doing really good at it. My second older sister is a career woman, independent and really knows what she wants. My third older sister is still at the shelter of my parents but she has plans of her own and I know she's going to be a great woman someday. Me, I've been constantly in the Dean's lister, is not a party girl, doesn't smoke and rarely drinks alcohol. My younger sister? She's still in the rebellion stage but I know that she's not the type to quit school for drugs and all. 


So Yeah, I've been a good child and Yeah, I've shown my parents that I love them and I know that I make them happy. I wouldn't trade place even if its Paris Hilton (LOL). 


It just makes me wonder how sad those rebelling children are and much worse their parents. I hope that the Lord will guide them in the right way.


Oh well, the winds is chilly and the night is dark. I must bid my goodbye, the winds of the first month has gotten colder. :)

The Unknown Story

Let me tell you a story about one of the most unforgettable event during my high school years.

I was on my second year, young, fresh and still getting used to the fact of being in high school. I loved one of my teachers, he was our Biology teacher. I could tell by the way you he moves and acts that he was gay, and that made everything perfect. He made Biology happy, funny and something that we can learn. 

Unfortunately, in the middle of the year, something happen, something bad, this event changed everything. Our local cable channel got an idea of having a "TV chat," or whatever you call it. People can text their thoughts to a particular number and this message will be automatically be posted in the chat room, which is aired live at the TV. I didn't have any cable because we were using Dream Satelite. 

It was then a surprise to me when a friend told me that she has seen something bad on the television on that specific channel. According to her, a certain person known only by his/her username as Unknown, posted bad comments about a particular teacher in our school. She was hoping that the teacher wouldn't hear about the things that were being posted. Unfortunately, a teacher of the school is a mother of a schoolmate. Soon, the talk of the school was about this certain Unknown and the teacher he/she was referring to.

I would be glad to say that the teacher Unknown was referring to wasn't obvious, sadly, it was as clear as a crystal. Our Biology teacher was the target of Unknown. Unknown kept posting bad reviews on our teacher, specifically targeting his sexuality and the way he speaks. I was hurt for my teacher. 

Then, hands started to point who is who. Our group then was popularly known to be "bugal-bugalon," always making funny jokes. One of the things posted by Unknown was a joke that originated from our group, from my friend specifically. Before things would blow up, we went to our teacher and told him our side of the story. I didn't know a thing about it and so were my friends. 

For some reason, Unknown stopped posting. Possibly because my teacher was almost in tears when he defended himself in class. He knows that Unknown was someone from our class. He explained himself and even apologize for his imperfections, which wasn't a big issue to us, except to Unknown.

The truth was, my heart was bleeding for that wonderful teacher. I couldn't believe that someone I know and possibly a friend of mine could do something like that. He never did anything to us and he even made the impossible, which was making biology interesting. 

After that, he wasn't the same to us. His treatment became formal, his tests became harder and all of our grades were lower. I was also a little bit disappointed at him because he never should have touched our grades. But I understood him, he was angry, hurt and most of all, disappointed. 

That was the story of Unknown. I thought that this things could only happen to movies. I didn't know that something as evil as like that exist. We never got to solve the mystery, we never knew who Unknown was although there were a lot speculation who he/she was but no one ever admitted. Until now, that event still bugs me. Someone would really make an effort like that just for nothing. 

I hope that whoever Unknown is, he/she regretted what he/she did because it was never funny. 

Why am I telling you this? Because recently, something like this is happening. But the thing is, I should be flattered for someone is making an effort in proving something that will only benefit us. 

The truth is, covering your face and hiding your identity only proves how coward the person really is. If you have anything to say, say it out loud to the person you want to say it to.

Lesson? The Unknown event is already a blurry memory of mine and I'm pretty sure sooner or later, it'll just be a picture. Things as shallow as Unknown will soon be forgotten and will soon be just another one of those shitty days. 

I thought this things only happens in movies, but I guess sometimes, life can this be shitty. 

Summers of the Past

Dear Summer,

Memories of your warm sunshines is running in my mind. How I used to enjoy you with simple smiles in the river side and gentle whisperings to the wind. When I walk down memory lane, my fondest memories of you would always be those when I was a child. My innocent grace of running around in the river, the music of my laughters as I enjoy the beach and sometimes, when the rain falls, is a beautiful picture of me dancing in the rain. 

Oh Summer, you have come and gone for me. I would never enjoy you the way I used to when I was still ten. For the coming summers of my life, would be different. I'd probably find other ways to enjoy you, I hope by that time, I'd enjoy you with someone. 

I'm here again, staring at the rain and nostalgia fills me as I wish for a sweet sunshine amidst the cold wind. I would always remember you and how I used to be. You'd always be the one I shared all my craziness. 

The summers of my past is a picture, a memory that will be safe in my heart, forever. 

The Year that Was

My first post for this year is entitled, "An Unsent Love Letter." If you've read it, you would understand what it is about. It is about a desire of a memory and a pain kept hidden for so long. I just actually composed it just now and it is my gift to a few special friends of mine. Some people will never appreciate the piece of literature that I write, but my writings is a piece of my mind and heart, it is a piece of me. Although it may not have been the perfect gift for this Christmas or New Year for it did not speak of thanks, however, it does speak of love. And I know, someday, everyone would experience love, and then they would understand. 

An hour from now and 1.1.11 is over. But before that, I would like to go on a trip down to memory lane of what has been last year. 

Last year has been an amazing year for me. Many things have happened, there were many laughters, many tears and many firsts and probably some were lasts. This is the first time that I could honestly say that that year was mine. I remember last January 1, 2010, when I said, that 2010 would be my year. How long ago that seems and yet, seems like yesterday too. Yes, 2010 has been my year, but I realized that just because I've felt happy last year doesn't mean I couldn't own the next years coming. So yes, 2011 will be another year for me. 

Let's see, if I would make a list of the top events of my life, both ups and downs, for 2010, it would be this. 

1. Singapore and Indonesia trip.

• My first time outside the country was awesome. I'm lucky that we chose Singapore and Indonesia. It was a wonderful experience and because I love traveling so much, it inspired me more. I'd probably go to Thailand or Hong Kong by myself this year or next year, before I turn 21, coz that's in my list. 

2. Summer Internship

• Doing my print and radio internship during summer was such an experience. I was lucky that it was election time. Being in the "general beat," was the best when it's election time. I get to be assigned to the press conferences of politicians, which means, free lunch! (hahaha) But the best part of the internship was making acquaintances and friends from the media and the all the things I learned from these people. 

3. Cookout and Miss UP Experience

• What can I say about this one? Making a production isn't easy and pleasing people is difficult. But as usual, we girls didn't let anyone hold us down. We went for what we wanted and what we thought the audience wanted and made a bang. Plus, we were again controversial on this one. *winks*

4. Churbarbies Christmas Party

• With a barbie from Australia and having three people getting real in front of everyone, who wouldn't love this day? For the people who witness the laughters and the tears that was shared, this day will always be in our hearts and minds. This is also the day that I got a sprain in my knee cap. I won't probably be dancing in two or three months.

5. VMDC 4

• The second time I won 2nd Best Adjudicator for two consecutive years. When am I going to start debating again? This was also the time that I revealed my alter ego to the lucky ones who were in room 304. Of course, who wouldn't forget the prank that we pulled for Vince and Sam. The voice of Vince is still ringing in my ears as he say, "remove the bra." Funny memories. Lantugi, you're awesome, as usual.

6. The Horrific Dermoid Cyst

• This is probably the year's toughest challenge. When I received the news that my sister had a very large ugly cyst in her ovaries, it just broke my heart. I was imagining how my parents were coping with it. And of course, the pain that my younger sister is probably enduring at the moment. The family was complete for one weekend to show support to the youngest sibling. I would't post a picture coz it would give you nightmare.

7. The Gothic Themed Party

• The reason why this is on my list is because of the after math of this event. Honestly, I had fun during the event. The food was ok, the program was great and we thought that all the first years were a sport, guess not. So anyway, the after math. Hmmm. Let's just say it added to the list of controversial things that the Churbarbies Sorority has done. Yeah, coz we're that notorious. We've been accused of so many things but this one takes the icing of the cake to a whole new level. 

8. Date Night

• My date night with my date buddy, Mai-Mai is one of the few things that 2010 gave me as a gift. The one night that I look forward to is talking to a gorgeous woman with things that actually matters in life. The one who brought me closer to the Almighty and has been my support system. I love you mai. Unfortunately, we don't have photos.

For now, this is the memories that I want to share to the world. But a lot of painful memories of 2010 is hidden inside me, some I can't even share. 

2010 was great, and these events, no matter how difficult it was or how euphoric it was, proved it. 

I'll face 2011 with more optimism, because this time, I know that the Lord is within me. 

An Unsent Love Letter

Dear Love,

How have you been? I know that it has been so long since the last time we saw each other. Everyday, I picture you in my head, hoping that I'd never forget the face that has inspired me in so many ways. I miss you my love. There's not a day that I do not seek to see you again. Sometimes, when I'm all alone, I remember your voice, whispering softly in my ears. Your sweet voice has always been music to my ears.

It is cold today in this far away place. I wish to embrace you and feel your hair as it touches my cheeks. Oh how I wish I could embrace you. Here I am, longing for the sweet scent of you. My love, I hope you are doing well. I sometimes lift my head to the sky, feeling the warm sun rays hitting my face for the thought of sunshines is my way of holding on to our memories. Nostalgia is such a wonderful feeling when it is about you.

When May comes and the flowers awake from their sleep, I'll remember you. The smell of blossoming flowers brings the gentle wind whispering to me with a memory of the two of us running in the fields.

The truth is, it is still painful, thinking about you. It is, my love. But you're face, you're scent, you're touch and the two of us dancing in the rain, is a memory I would love to play in my mind again and again; no matter how painful it is.

I miss you and I love you, please remember that.

Loving you always,

Damien