I saw this piece of mine. I wrote this from way back. It's a story about how people can be stuck after love has gone.
It was like a movie playing in my head again and again. I can’t stop it no matter what I do. The more that I tell myself not to think about it, the more that it bothers me. It was like a death sentence being passed over. The silence of the wind was chilling as I look into his eyes, hoping that he would see the silent pleading in my eyes. I knew my faith long before he said the words. I couldn’t recognize the man that I love that day. His eyes were dead and cold but somehow I saw pain. Is it possible that he was in pain too?
“I’m leaving you”.
He said those words so bluntly that it broke my heart. I tried to stop the tears forming in my eyes. He looked me in the eye for the first time. His ocean blue eyes were difficult to read. A lump in my throat was forming and I knew that it wasn’t long before my tears would fall down.
“I’m so sorry”.
I nodded my head in recognition of what he said. He didn’t say anything else after that. He just turned around and walked away. I had to look up so that my tears wouldn’t fall down, I tried to look at him as he was leaving. Knowing that he would be leaving my life forever, and that it would be the last time that I’ll ever see him as the man I love. He closed the door, shutting it forever, shutting me out forever from his life.
Silence. It was gone, he was gone. I couldn’t even say anything; I couldn’t even beg him to stay. I collapsed to the nearest chair and didn’t know what to do. I was just there, sitting, alone and didn’t know what to do. Somehow my body found something to do. I noticed the liquid falling from my eyes. My mouth soon found its voice and I heard myself sob. I didn’t know what happened after that, I fell asleep I guess. The next thing I know it was morning, my eyes were swollen red. My head was hurting like it was ready to crack any moment. I couldn’t remember what happened, but then it came flashing back. The scene in that room, the way he looked and the way he walked away, never looking back.
It was over and as soon as it sank in, I cried again. Too much pain was inside my heart. It was like a knife pushing through my heart, tearing it again and again.
Three months later and I’m still sober. As I walked towards a dark alley where broken souls usually wander, I smelled the intoxicating scent of broken hearts. It was everywhere filling my lungs and making me feel more melancholic than I was. There was the pub, where the broken dwells. The door creaked eerily as I opened it. I saw the usual regulars sitting in the tables. We knew each other by face and nod our heads when our eyes met. Even before I made my way to the old bar tender, he was already preparing my favorite scotch. I nod my head to him as I sat down at one of the chairs and immediately took a big gulp of the glass filled with scotch he put in front of me.
How many more glasses of scotch should I take to drown all my sorrows? I asked myself. I sighed to myself as I look at the glass in my hands. The taste of the scotch as it touched my lips was exhilarating; the scent that it brings fills my head. The burning feeling that fills my chest as I drink a gulp was addictive.
It’s been three months and I’m still broken. I finished the last drop of scotch in my glass and gave a huge tip to the bar tender. I slowly stood up and turned my head towards the door. The bar was shabby with wooden tables and chair. I looked around and saw that there were only four other customers, all of which were like me, broken and lost.
I opened the door and felt the cold wind touched my faced. I shuddered and tighten my grip on my coat. Tomorrow I’ll face the world again, like I always do. I would wear a beautiful mask full of beautiful colors and sparkling designs. Just so I could live each day. When night comes, I take off the mask and the real me, the broken me, is visible in that pub.
Tomorrow night, I’ll try to drown my sorrows and pain again, just like what I do every night. Hoping and pleading to them to finally disappear, but somehow they always find their way again.
His beautiful smile and blue eyes flash before my mind, and tears covered my face. The chilling winds and my tears were my only company as I walk towards the light.
“I’m leaving you”.
He said those words so bluntly that it broke my heart. I tried to stop the tears forming in my eyes. He looked me in the eye for the first time. His ocean blue eyes were difficult to read. A lump in my throat was forming and I knew that it wasn’t long before my tears would fall down.
“I’m so sorry”.
I nodded my head in recognition of what he said. He didn’t say anything else after that. He just turned around and walked away. I had to look up so that my tears wouldn’t fall down, I tried to look at him as he was leaving. Knowing that he would be leaving my life forever, and that it would be the last time that I’ll ever see him as the man I love. He closed the door, shutting it forever, shutting me out forever from his life.
Silence. It was gone, he was gone. I couldn’t even say anything; I couldn’t even beg him to stay. I collapsed to the nearest chair and didn’t know what to do. I was just there, sitting, alone and didn’t know what to do. Somehow my body found something to do. I noticed the liquid falling from my eyes. My mouth soon found its voice and I heard myself sob. I didn’t know what happened after that, I fell asleep I guess. The next thing I know it was morning, my eyes were swollen red. My head was hurting like it was ready to crack any moment. I couldn’t remember what happened, but then it came flashing back. The scene in that room, the way he looked and the way he walked away, never looking back.
It was over and as soon as it sank in, I cried again. Too much pain was inside my heart. It was like a knife pushing through my heart, tearing it again and again.
Three months later and I’m still sober. As I walked towards a dark alley where broken souls usually wander, I smelled the intoxicating scent of broken hearts. It was everywhere filling my lungs and making me feel more melancholic than I was. There was the pub, where the broken dwells. The door creaked eerily as I opened it. I saw the usual regulars sitting in the tables. We knew each other by face and nod our heads when our eyes met. Even before I made my way to the old bar tender, he was already preparing my favorite scotch. I nod my head to him as I sat down at one of the chairs and immediately took a big gulp of the glass filled with scotch he put in front of me.
How many more glasses of scotch should I take to drown all my sorrows? I asked myself. I sighed to myself as I look at the glass in my hands. The taste of the scotch as it touched my lips was exhilarating; the scent that it brings fills my head. The burning feeling that fills my chest as I drink a gulp was addictive.
It’s been three months and I’m still broken. I finished the last drop of scotch in my glass and gave a huge tip to the bar tender. I slowly stood up and turned my head towards the door. The bar was shabby with wooden tables and chair. I looked around and saw that there were only four other customers, all of which were like me, broken and lost.
I opened the door and felt the cold wind touched my faced. I shuddered and tighten my grip on my coat. Tomorrow I’ll face the world again, like I always do. I would wear a beautiful mask full of beautiful colors and sparkling designs. Just so I could live each day. When night comes, I take off the mask and the real me, the broken me, is visible in that pub.
Tomorrow night, I’ll try to drown my sorrows and pain again, just like what I do every night. Hoping and pleading to them to finally disappear, but somehow they always find their way again.
His beautiful smile and blue eyes flash before my mind, and tears covered my face. The chilling winds and my tears were my only company as I walk towards the light.
No copyright infringement intended with the photo used.
2 comments:
needs a little editing but lovely kaayo yang.. sad and lovely.. when did you write this man? i like how you describe everything jud.
thanks gab for the comment. It does need editing. I can't remember when I wrote this. probably last year.
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