It slowly fades

I miss my best friends. I can't talk to them the way I used to because every time I do, I'll miss them even more. I can't be too attached to them because when they're gone, I feel alone. 

When I was on my 4th Grade I met my first set of best friends. We were young then but I knew what friendship meant by then because of them. We would laugh together and carry each other's small problem. We had lunch together and do almost everything together. It lasted until we graduated from grade school. Then high school came. We were not that close anymore. We still go to the same school but we had different sections and we had different set of friends. We didn't talk much until all we do is smile when we meet each other in the hallway or somewhere in the grounds of the school. We became stranger and we never regain back our friendship the way it used to be. I still communicate to some but we can't talk about anything but grade school because that was the only thing we had in common.

I remember I had a best friend whom I call every Christmas. It was her birthday and I was always the first to greet her happy birthday. It became a tradition for the two of us. Whoever calls first, wins. That was a long time ago by high school, I forgot her number and she forgot mine. She never called me for Christmas and so did I. 

When I was in high school I met a lot friends. I met people from different backgrounds and for the first time I understood what people say that high school are the best years of someone's life. During my first year I got attached to two people. One was a girl and one was a boy, or that's what we say. The three of us made a great group. The three of us were all vain and we had a self attraction to each other, like he would say I'm pretty and I would say she's pretty and she would say he's too cute. We still treat each other the way we used to but again, now, we have different set of friends.

At the same time I also created a great bond with my seatmate, he was an evil boy. It's funny because we were classmate when we were on grade school and there was just this point that we hated each other. I was very uncomfortable to be seated next to him on my first year but it must have been faith. We became great friends and I love him just the way he is. Even though he has done a lot of awful things  to other people but he's a changed man now. I never told him how proud I am for his bravery to change himself. 

It was also at that same moment I met the guy that everyone had a crush on. He was a handsome young man but he was cruel. He used to be a good boy, I don't know when he took the wrong turn. The man I see now, it wasn't the boy I used to know when we were on our first year of high school. People change, it's inevitable but I just wished he changed for the better. I could say we were close and I miss that guy. We don't talk to each other much as we used to. As time passed by, it seemed that our friendship got stronger and weaker at the same time. I just can't explain it.

Then I met another guy. He was a schoolmate back in grade school. I knew him by name and face but we never talk. I heard he was a good man too. We became really close, I can't remember when we started calling ourselves best friends, it just happened. Maybe that's how great friendship happens, they just do. I miss him. I don't know if he knows how I miss him. Even before we graduated from high school, things turned around for us. He got a girlfriend of which I supported all the way. But that was also the reason we couldn't talk much anymore. I never admitted it, but I think I was jealous. He was my best friend and then suddenly, he wasn't mine anymore. A movie once said, the best friend always becomes the second best friend after the girlfriend/boyfriend. Maybe that's what happened. I wish I could talk to him the way I used to, I really do. But, there's more to life than us. Our best friend relationship taught me so many things, both about him and about me. He was always there when I was at my most vulnerable stage, he didn't laugh me when I talk about my love problems but instead he listened and hold my hands when I thought no one would. 

These three guys that I met during my first year in high school, they all had different characteristics, one was a great man, the other was a lost sheep and the other was soft and sweet hiding beneath an angry persona. I miss them. 

When I was on my second year of high school I was much closer to girls. We became good friends. We were together through gossiping and helping others. Sometimes we go to a place where we could play pool and sing our hearts out with karaoke. Then we made a tradition to go to church every Friday. It was fun and very memorable. I would have to say that second year was the best year in my college life. I don't know why, probably because it was the time I did some crazy things. We spent our very first and last Valentines day together, sitting at the park, laughing and talking how happy the days were. I missed those days and I miss those girls. We continued being really close when we were on our third year even though some were on a different class already. But, it faded when we were on our fourth year. I personally felt left out most of the time when we were on our fourth year. But that was the past, I still treasure them and those memories, that's what we have that even time can't steal from us.

When I was on third year, I was thrown into a pool of strangers. That was the first time I had to sit in a classroom with that many strangers since I first entered high school. Two sections were merged to one, one was ours and then another. It felt strange, really. It was like first year all over again. People meeting each other for the first time and creating bond. But it all worked out. And it was really fun. Imagine two crazy sections all put into one big, hyper crazy section, no wonder our teacher got into feat. She just suddenly burst, throwing all those plastic things and throwing us out of the classroom. Yeah, we held a class outside our classroom, worse, we had a test, but well, that test was the best experience ever. I met different people. One who stand out was an old classmate and schoolmate back in grade school. Now he's got some reputation. When we were on our 4th Grade he punched one  ofour girl classmate plus he was my cousin's enemy back then. Both of them loved to throw punches at each other.  And how surprised I was to see a changed man. A real changed man. He is not the person I once knew. Believe me, he was a gentleman and he was close with girls, its as if his reputation on grade school was a nightmare I had. And I never really like him before until we became best friends. He told me he had to keep his circle of friends and I was one of the lucky person he called best friend. It was just an excuse really, but we became real best friends. He was also one of the few that I could talk to. I miss him too. more than he knows. I know I tell him that I miss him but he just wouldn't know how much.


Does it slowly fade away? The friendship? I don't want to believe that it will fade away until it just becomes a memory. They once said that friends are like stars, their always there, you just don't see them.

I once told one of my best friends that it's not the same anymore. I didn't mean to hurt him, but it was worse for me. It was worse to admit that we're not the same anymore. Maybe because I got jealous, I was almost always the last to know about what's happening with him and it hurt me to know that I'm not the best friend anymore, I'm just a best friend from high school. But maybe that's how I am to my best friends.


I miss my best friends. I miss talking, laughing, crying with them. I miss simply being with them. I miss the music that I hear when I'm with them. They are not just memories, they are more than that.

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